“Muddy Waters” Eighty | Eighty Unplugged Episode 5
Muddy Waters: My song about battling regret, self-acceptance, & Burning Bridges
In this episode of Eighty Unplugged, I am joined with my husband JJ. We discussed my song “Muddy Waters” after the song was performed live. We go through topics such as letting go of regret, stoicism, changing perspectives, and how to have a positive mindset.
“Muddy Waters” Background and Contex
The title of this song comes from a line I heard in a documentary, which expressed the idea that some poets muddy waters for them to appear deep. This stuck in my head. At that point in time I was struggling through the final years of being a teenager and all the crazy thoughts that go along with that. Ruminating on all of the things I felt I did wrong, I’d let my mistakes define me. Anything from missed opportunities, to bad grades, to mispronounced words I wore all of my regret, carrying them with me everywhere I went. I wouldn’t let go of them because I thought if I held on long enough I could find a way to fix them. This mindset does not serve any one well. I wrote this song “Muddy Waters” as I came to the realization that I could change my mindset.
Stop regretting my life away…
Cutting ties, cause I can’t mend them all
I won’t hide, from all them anymore
I realize my mistake, seen the flaw in all the choices I’ve made, It’s time
To shine a light in the darkest place and stop regretting my life away
We all have dealt with regret. It is truly an awful & unproductive emotion. Focussing on what could have been and how to get there, living every moment thinking of the past. Carrying my own frivolous regrets around stopped me from moving forward. The first verse I’m expressing the need to let go of them. I wanted badly to cut my losses and accept them for what they are.
Accept the hand I’ve been dealt…
I’m getting friendly, with my enemies
Smiling like I mean it, Picking up the pieces
Accept the hand I’ve been dealt and work harder than everyone else
to be half as good as they are on their lazy days
and stop wasting my life away
Accepting your mistakes sounds really simple, right? How do you accept your circumstance? Here’s how teenage me thought to do it and I think she had a good point!
Accept the people around you, even if you think they are enemies. I love the episode of The Big Bang Theory where the character, Sheldon, calls someone his arch nemesis and another character remarks that this is the real world and those don’t exist. Maybe “arch nemesis” doesn't exist, but it is true there are people that can be unhealthy for you. In my life, I have found the way you react to people is the most important way to impact a relationship (this may be common sense for some, but it wasn't for me). Sometimes all it takes to smooth over tension is kindness.
Accept happiness or atleast try to. Let yourself be genuinely happy and kind. Be content with what you have instead of looking at what you don’t. Be content with where you are instead of where you could be.
Accept what you have, even if it is just “pieces” - it’s not nothing. I’ve talked alot about my struggle with “learning disabilities” before. It is a piece of myself I felt like I had to atone for. I put a lot of extra time and energy into every project for what felt like a basic understanding. When I was in middle school, a teacher took me out of the classroom and gave me this advice - life’s not fair, deal with it. He didn’t say it so brashly, but that was the takeaway. Over the years this advice sunk in more and more. It may have been the best thing anyone has ever said to me.
I cross bridges and watch them burn…
I don’t lose I only learn,
I cross bridges and watch them burn
I’m never looking back, only forward
I won’t lie about how deep this will get
And only try to live without regret
I don’t muddy waters
I wrote this song many years ago, and feel like I only now really live by it. The line in the song “And only try to live without regret” I think is really important because of the word “try.” I knew I wanted to live fruitfully with a much more forgiving mindset, but I had to try for years until it completely took effect. I don’t Muddy Waters, I am who I am and that's it. I try to view failure as an opportunity to learn. I’m not trying to retreat (because I burned those bridges) I want to live focused on the future.
-
by Eighty
Cutting ties
Cause I can’t mend them all
I won’t hide
From all them anymore
I realize my mistakes
seen the flaw in all the choices I’ve made
It’s time
To shine a light in the darkest place
And stop regretting my life away
I don’t lose I only learn,
I cross bridges and watch them burn
I’m never looking back, only forward
I won’t lie about how deep this will get
And only try to live without regret
I don’t muddy waters
I let time change me
Cause I can’t change time
I’m getting friendly
With my enemies
Smiling like I mean it
Picking up the pieces
Accept the hand I’ve been dealt
And work harder than everyone else
To be half as good as they are on their lazy days
and stop wasting my life away
I don’t lose I only learn,
I cross bridges and watch them burn
I’m never looking back, only forward
I won’t lie about how deep this will get
And only try to live without regret
I don’t muddy waters
I let time change me
Cause I can’t change time
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